spellbinders | [WORLD TWO

Entry tags:

[WORLD TWO | INTRO LOG]

Who: All coven members
Where: In and around the new world’s apartment building where the coven is staying
When: Day (the calendar isn’t syncing for me hELP)
Open/Closed: Open to All

You’re in a room. It’s pretty bright — blindingly so, even. There’s something very stark and very clean about the place, and also the person you’re sitting in front of. You’re sitting? You’re sitting. There’s also a pane of very powerful plexiglass separating you from the uniform-clad person who is now speaking to you.

It’s impossible to transcribe what they say verbatim, but here’s the gist of it:

- You’re being welcomed to a city called Shehui. Depending on who you are, the level of technology may be light years ahead of you or child’s play.
- There’s a very strict policy about magic. While there are measures put in place to prevent magic from happening, this is still something that they reiterate over and over. They don’t want to take chances.
- Crime is also frowned upon. Small infractions will result in credit deductions, while major crimes will get you banned. Antisocial behavior is also looked down upon. You’re locked in the city for your initial eight weeks. You can leave afterwards, but trying to break out of the city or cause social unrest will result in monitoring and a potential ban.
- This city is supposed to be somewhat relaxing. Is it a free pleasure cruise? No. Is it a self-contained society that runs on community and indulgence? Yes.
- You’re being given an allotment of credits in order to stay in the city, which is what the economy there runs on. This goes on for quite some time.
- You’re being moved to a housing location. Despite the slotted speaker in the middle of the plexiglass, the only time you have a chance to ask questions is when a small slit opens in the bottom and a package is slid towards you.
- What’s in the package? There’s a credit card-like apparatus that has apparently taken a picture of you. It contains a place to write your name, an identification number and barcode. It also has a thin strip near the top that has scrolling script floating by. It states “WELCOME TO SHEHUI. YOUR ID WILL UPDATE WITH COMMUNITY NOTICES AND PERSONAL PINGS FOR JOBS AND VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES RELATED TO YOUR INTEREST.” It’s a lot to take in, but that’s the long and short of it.

Have questions? The person will reiterate a few times that there are information desks around the city. That’s all for now…now you’ll be traveling to your next destination: your new home.

The floor slowly lowers as if you’ve been in an elevator the whole time. It connects to several other glass containers, much like your own, all suddenly clanking together in a chain. After a short wait, the chain begins to move — quickly. Faster, maybe, than you’ve ever gone before. It’s hard to even make out the scenery when you’re zipping past everything so quickly.

Where does this trip lead you? The ground floor of your new apartment building. The plexiglass cases open up and you’re in a hotel lobby. There’s a flashing board on the wall — NEW ARRIVALS, COME HERE.

The apartment building is locked up tight for three hours in order to let new arrivals get their bearings. After that, the ground floor lobby doors open into the city of Shehui. There’s a lot to take in, but let’s cover the biggest bases:

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I noticed.

[Look at that. Look at that fort.]

I will at least concede your point about being a person on their own. I meant more self-reliance of being capable of taking care of yourself. The concept of total self-reliance is of course a fabrication, in that all living organisms require something external to function and sustain themselves. But practically speaking, I raised myself my whole damn life. It's embarrassing to need an assist when it comes to crossing the street.

Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you.

[Geir is penitent. embarrassment sucks. he gets it.]

You can still come and hang out with me, though. And without talking about any other past stuff, just running into something you haven't seen much before doesn't make you a coward either.

[he shifts so he can edge his nose closer to Dirk. confidingly:]

A couple of weeks ago I figured out that I was scared of being bad at reading if I tried it. Isn't that dumb? It's pretty dumb. Of course you're bad at things before you do them... I mean, it's poet-work, too, so I'm still not sure I want to. But that part was stupid.

I embarrassed myself; your heinous crime was being witness to my lame stunt.

[No apology necessary, in other words.]

I mean, yeah, it was stupid, but it is also pretty natural. I know you're going to call me out on the hypocrisy here, but I'm going to just ignore that fact and just say a lot of people get too scared to start things.

For what it's worth, I don't think it matters if you're bad at it or not. You're still cool either way. But I think you're intelligent and quick to learn, so I doubt it would be especially difficult for you to pick up if you had good instruction.

I don't need to call you out on being a hypocrite if you already did! You know I don't care if you think you're being lame. And, thank you. That's nice of you to say.

[Geir changes his position enough that he can settle his head next to Dirk with a little sigh. maybe Dirk will pet him. Geir really is very, very fond of him. he's always so kind about explaining things patiently, even if he's personally unhappy with the topic -- Geir can't imagine why anyone would see him as closed off and uncaring, unless they were too embarrassed to ask him things directly.

when he thinks about it, that might have been it. he's realizing that his own experiences with people show that most of them have appallingly inconsistent responses to direct questioning. maybe asking them is rare.

he wonders if Dirk will go on to explain some of the clarifications and preconditions he wanted to set on the other things that have been alluded to in this conversation, or if Dirk has tracked hard away from that element. it's hard not to notice over time that some of Dirk's meticulous explanations are ways for him to avoid points he doesn't want to touch on. they still shed a lot of light, so Geir doesn't really mind.]

Edited 2017-11-26 16:13 (UTC)

[It's true he's dodging a point here, but he also does like to try with Geir. He feels a sense of... responsibility, to make that effort. Geir is just learning, and he's open and genuinely inquisitive about so much. It would be messed up not to try to support and encourage that.

And then Geir is basically cuddled up. Dirk can take his cue and give Geir's snout a pat. Truly, a lizardcat (dog?)]

Before I say anything else, I'm sorry for making you feel like I was trying to say your feelings about me don't count because of some things you don't even know about. I mean, I guess I was doing that, in a sense. But it's shitty of me to keep pulling that kind of stunt when I know you're trying to work out how things function between people. You work hard on trying to understand things, and I want to help you with that, not make it harder.

[Geir purrs at the petting, a low rumble. Dirk is still being nice, gosh.]

It's all right. I can't really imagine you telling me anything that would make me like you less? It sounds like a bunch of stuff happened, so maybe that's weird for you.

[He still wonders how that works? Then again, do scientist even know how cats purr? He remembers that being a mystery. He remembers Roxy talking his ear off about that particular scientific mystery.]

It was an idiotic amount of stuff. Honestly, it's hard to try to explain it with all the elements going on. A lot of bad things happened, and I caused a number of them, and I tried to run from a lot of it. I didn't want to face the consequences of my actions, or the possibility my friends hating me, or a world where they were all dead. I know that I'm supposed to be brave and a badass and face up to things, and that doesn't just apply to fighting bad guys with a sword. But that is basically the only kind of badass I'm capable of being, which is to say, it's the sort of badass that doesn't really matter or count for much.

So I'm mad at myself for not being able to handle this city, because it's another way that I'm failing to be the kind of person I wished I was. And I'm embarrassed about you seeing it because I get embarrassed by people seeing that I'm not that person.

Does that make sense?

[With the monotone and the calm, it's a weirdly detached way to talk about it all—analytic, self-reflective, but not especially emotional. There's something about trying to explain things to Geir that compels Dirk to take a step back, in the hopes of laying out all the foibles and confusions of human existence to someone who is still trying to learn it.]

[Geir listens attentively to all of that, purring a little under his breath, so Dirk's efforts to lay it all out aren't wasted. when Dirk finishes his speech, he does him the courtesy of thinking about it for a few moments before he fully articulates his thoughts. he wants to make sure they're as clear and well formed.]

It makes sense. It makes a lot of other stuff you've said make sense, too. Like thinking you're broken, or being upset you're not a certain way. I'm sorry. I worry about that stuff too, but most of it is about the future, and it sounds like a lot of bad things happened to you guys already.

...did you have a lot of chances to practice?

It's cool. I'm glad all my neuroses click into place now.

[Irony is also part of helping Geir learn things, clearly. Geir's still getting pats. It occurs to Dirk that this is easier than contact with humans, probably because it doesn't have the same kind of baggage; Geir is a person to Dirk, for all that the philosophy of it may be up in the air, but the social conventions around human-dragon interaction aren't as complicated and messy in Dirk's mind. It seems to him that the rules of this get to be defined by Geir, and that's less stressful.]

With cities? No. That apartment you saw in my dreams was where I spent all but six months of my life. Those six months were spent on empty planets full of various kinds of gravesites, with three other people.

Oh, no. I was pretty sure that you'd never seen anything like this before! I haven't either.

I meant, being the kind of person you wanted to be.

It doesn't seem very easy?

[Ah. It's the type of question that, really, he thinks only Geir would ever ask quite like that.]

I've put a lot of effort into it to very little success. Unfortunately for everyone, I'm myself and can't seem to be anyone else, not even an idealized model of myself that I've always striven to become. I'm not sure if it's easier for other people or not. I think a lot of people never become who they'd want to be, but I'm not sure everyone feels like they missed the mark so badly as to be a total failure.

[Geir considers that idea thoughtfully. there's a lot to tease apart there.]

Umm... I'm not sure if this is just me not following all the way... but you started talking about two different things as one thing somewhere in there. I think.

All the bad stuff that happened, was it when you were trying to practice being someone who you weren't good at being, or was it when you were being Dirk and embarrassed about it?

[Geir is trying and therefore no one should criticize him.]

I was trying to be someone I'm not good at being and ending up being Dirk instead.

That's what I'm confused about, though. If you're trying to be someone else all the time, how do you know that being Dirk is what made everything so bad? You never tried to get better at being Dirk, not an idealized whatever. You don't like it.

Not to return to the whole theme of self-image here, but getting better at being Dirk would be getting better at being a toxic influence on everyone around me with no sense of limits or how not to be a dick.

[Geir gives Dirk a sidelong look that's really best expressed by o_o.]

Have you been being someone else every time we've talked?

[THAT'S SORT OF SPOOKY?]

[GEIR]

No. I've been me. I have just not been pulling any classic Strider stunts of manipulation or coercion.

Oh. That's a relief. I mean, both that it's you, and the manipulation part. You probably could. Dad always said I'm an easy dupe.

[Geir mulls that over.]

So... you wanted to not manipulate people, but you ended up doing that anyway, and that's how you knew you were being yourself, and that was bad, so you don't like being you. But you're not doing it now, and that's also you, but it's different.

[he's trying... so hard...]

Your dad knew you when you had about zero world experience, which tends to make for an easy dupe.

[Just saying.

Also fuck Loki, again? Just fuck him.]

I did want to manipulate people. That was part of the problem. I always knew I sucked at emotions and interacting with people, so I wanted to be the archmanipulator, puppeting all of my friends for their own good. My plan was to orchestrate events to help them fully realize their potential and win us the game.

Except it turns out I'm not even that great at manipulation. All my friends thought of me as the genius puppet master, but I was just a colossal fuckup. Rather than making my friends better, I hurt them and made a disaster of everything.

Oh. Oh, geez. That's really, really, really awful? I'm sorry.

[Geir PUTS HIS CHIN ON DIRK'S KNEE so he can nudge him comfortingly better, because that sounds horribly upsetting? he'll have more thoughts on this in a second but wow that sounds like TEN KINDS OF TERRIBLE NEWS to live through for literally everyone Dirk just described.]

[GEIR. Dirk pats him but it's kind of awkward.]

It was awful, but I don't really deserve the apology here. It was my fault.

[this is not entirely untrue, but also,

literally every homestuck currently in game has tried to claim responsibility for Game Over, and Dirk is no exception]

You tried to do what you thought was a good thing for people you liked and it blew up in your face. That's terrible? Of course I'm sorry that happened to you.

[Dirk you are so weird sometimes??]

[No, Geir is weird.]

You're ignoring the arrogance in assuming I knew best and trying to push people towards it. You don't manipulate your friends, that isn't okay.

I'm not ignoring it. It hurt you too. It was a mistake and it makes you unhappy. I just thought about that first...?

[DIRK IS WEIRD??]

Dirk, how long ago did this happen?

[No Geir. But instead of getting into that argument, he gives Geir more Facts. Geir needs Facts for learning dragon reasons and thus Dirk shall give them.]

It all ended just before we were brought here.

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