when everything's made to be broken [open.]

[lalliho]

Who: Lalli Hotakainen and ????
Where: Aimintas places.
When: over the week, days 54-57? Ish?
Open/Closed: so open, man.

[ A - MEDITATION. ]

[He's trying to practice mindfulness. It's hard even when you know what it is and the process, so Lalli's finding it almost impossible. His job is to be aware of everything -- every little crunch or rustle or hushed sigh of a predator. Even prey. He was to be one with the forest and all that came with it...or he would fail.

Now he needed to close his eyes and breathe deep. He needed to understand not the world around him, but himself. Why had he pushed his limits as if it was his only choice? Why had he shoved people away when he was afraid of being left alone? Lalli needed to get himself back under control before he destroyed himself and others.

Being able to flip the switch on his Qri-given magic would be a-okay, too.]

Hey. What's your coven ability?

[laziest-sounding interrogator ever...he's trying to be zen, okay!!]

[ B - RITUALS. ]

[He hasn't tended to his wounds. As far as he's concerned, having evidence for himself that he was actually around to help this time was...good. Calming. Besides, as a mage, he has far more important things to attend to.

The Palai don't follow the same gods or traditions as his people do, and it feels wrong to abandon those, but if he could swallow his pride and accept help from an idiot Icelandic mage, he can swallow it again and offer aid where he can to these wandering souls.

The rest of the clean up? ...Not much he can do there, with these twigs he calls arms, but feel free to try and boss him around or tend to his wounds when he's on break from death rites and stuff, or whatever.]

[ C - CUDDLEBUG. ]

[When you're typically repulsed by the human touch -- when every grab to redirect or secure you feels like a rough, deadly vice -- cuddling...does not come naturally to you. Lalli's left fidgeting and scratching at himself, picking apart the weak, fresh scabs forming over the battle's results, because something was off in a way it never had been before. If he'd longed to be held as a child like he wishes now, the memory had long since left him.

He's left with one very obvious conclusion he shares via the signet -- though he also says it aloud in case there's anyone in the immediate vicinity that can help him.]

I think something's wrong with me. Maybe I'm poisoned?

[...Heck. He needs to find Emil and make sure he's okay at least, but... Should he really expose him to this problem? Ugh, quieting fears is so hard.]

[ D - GIVE ME THE WILDCARD.]

[cough.]

Comments

[lalliho]

[Whatever that means...

Lalli stares back, obviously intrigued.]

Cake... I don't know if I've ever had that? [But if it's sweet, he's in.]

[actus]

You've... never had cake?

[ it actually looks like he's been shot in the heart. ]

Ah. Do you like chocolate, in that case?

[lalliho]

I don't know for sure.

[mostly because he can't remember what cake is... Chocolate, though. Lalli gives a hum of recognition and perks up.]

I do.

[actus]

Chocolate cake, then.

[ that solves the issue of what type of cake to make, anyway! ]

Frosting?

[lalliho]

[ummmm]

...Yeees?

[Like put the cake in the fridge for a while??? That sounds fine.]

[actus]

[ this is not an ice-cream cake. god!!! he's not that talented unfortunately. ]

Ah. All right. Then a frosted chocolate cake.

[ sounds legit... at least they're almost back. ]

You can help make it, if you want.

[lalliho]

[That doesn't sound like resting... Lalli seems to take this as a command rather than an open suggestion, a defeated sigh leaving him. Alright, he's prepared to be bossed around...as always...]

Okay.

[makin' some weird cold thing with sugar... But since they're coming up on coven house and this conversation is winding down -- ]

I...think I asked Emil if I could live with him last night.

[it's a little weird now, please advise]

[actus]

[ ?????????????

he curiously glances back over, attention ripped from the coven house to lalli. ]

What did he say?

[ listen, he won't call you out on that. the poor crimeboy always thinks with his heart and has zero filter, so it's definitely something he would do. ]

[lalliho]

Yes...?

[Thinking now, he wasn't worried about being rejected in that way by Emil. Not when he was so horrifically full of softness. Of course he let Lalli stay!

It doesn't help him not frown at his feet.]

I'm not sure if I should.

[actus]

Ah.

[ interesting. emil did seem like the type of friend who was endlessly loyal. a friend that didn't overthink and simply enjoyed the friendship for what it was. ]

Why not?

[lalliho]

[Wouldn't it be nice if everyone was a little more like Emil...]

Uhnn...

[Awkward. Shrug. He doesn't really want to talk about the weird shit that happened, he just wants it resolved.]

I don't know what...we...want.

[actus]

[ ""the weird shit"" ]

Hm. [ it's a soft noise of agreement, as if he's assessing things, too. ]

I've been told I'm a good sounding board. If you just want to talk it out.

[lalliho]

[IT WAS WEIRD TO HIM, OKAY]

I don't know what a sounding board is.

[he's not just taking time to stall whaaaat... But really, take him through some of these kitchen motions while he thinks.]

...Do you know what it's called when you want to do something you don't want to do?

[actus]

[ he's already assembling a line of bowls, whisks, and other various ingredients. flour, check! butter and eggs, on it! he's going to toss lalli a thoughtful look. ]

Not really? I know what it's like to want to do something I shouldn't want to do.

Dunno if you can want to and not want at the same time.

[lalliho]

[Oh...]

...I did.

[But great. Just...great. He'll just pick up a whisk and sulk, I guess.]

I wanted to do a lot of stuff that I don't...like? And it was okay but I don't know if I can...do it again.

[actus]

[ ah. the context is making it easier to discuss whatever it is. akira isn't entirely sure what they're talking about, but he cracks some eggs and begins adding flour and sugar to a bowl before handing it to lalli to begin whisking. ]

That makes more sense. [ he can begin to understand, at least? ] What about it don't you usually like? What was different?

[lalliho]

[He wrinkles his nose and stares at the ingredients. First of all:] What am I supposed to do with this?

[he. doesn't cook, let alone bake.]

[actus]

[ ah, that's right - ]

Ah... just mix it together. You'll know when you're done when it's kinda pasty and you can't recognize any of the ingredients anymore.

[lalliho]

[Kinda pasty... He can do that. Sure.]

Um. Sometimes...things are different for me, I guess, and I don't know why, but people say it's really weird when I don't like a lot of things. [Slow breaths, just keep focused. Actually, there's something both disgusting and fascinating about mixing the ingredients together, and linking that to his own current predicament sort of helped. Ooey gooey bouncing off powder and sprinkles, then melting together with the effort he put forth... Weird.] Touching is like that. But when it was different, it...wasn't.

[the clearest]

[actus]

[ that makes sense. none of his friends are like that, exactly, but he's certain people like shiho are. everyone has their own reasons, and he's certain lalli has his, too. it's not weird. at least, not to akira. then again, akira tends to be more understanding, more willing to listen than most. ]

I don't think that's weird. For what it counts. [ there's a shrug. ] People express how they feel in different ways.

[ some people hug, some people use words. it's fine - ] ... When was this? [ wait a second........ ] You said it was recent, right?

[lalliho]

[His stirring starts to become a little more like stabbing as he's trying to get rid of some weird lumpy bits and his awkward feelings.]

...Last night.

[actus]

[ .... oh. ]

I see. [ a slow nod. that would mean - ]

...if it makes you feel better, a lot of people were acting - [ what's the word? ] different yesterday. Last night. Around that timeframe.

[lalliho]

[With the way his stirring slows to a stop, his shoulders drop, and a heavy sigh leaves him, it's probably safe to say that this does not make him feel any better.]

I knew it couldn't be real. I'm not like that. How am I supposed to go back there?

[actus]

[ umm.... ]

... I don't think it made anyone do anything they didn't want to. It just ... made it warmer? Easier?

[ he isn't sure how to phrase this, uhm - ]

What did he say? To you asking?

[lalliho]

[huff]

No, you don't understand. No one understands...

[He's just. Gonna set the mixing bowl down on the counter. It needs a little more mixing, but he's just a tad too agitated.]

I don't know. That I should, I think.