Lalli Hotakainen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lalliho) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
spellbinders2017-08-13 06:12 pm
lalliho) wrote in spellbinders2017-08-13 06:12 pm
Entry tags:
And I lay there wondering, what is the matter?
Who: Lalli Hotakainen and Emil Västerström.
Where: Coven house (?)
When: Backdated to the morning of Day 34.
Open/Closed: Closed.
[When he was young, he'd forced himself to accept the idea of waking up in a different place than he'd gone to sleep. Spirit walking should have made that easier to swallow, but there he knew he'd always be in his haven the next time sleep rolled around. Soul exactly where it was meant to be. His body never really had the same luxury... Even in places he'd been told were home now, he never felt like he wasn't...out of place. But he accepted it.
It was harder now. Every day had been new in the Silent World, when he'd actually been given the opportunity to sleep -- and there had been times his advice on where to go had been completely ignored, it seemed -- but even that was nothing compared to this completely alien universe. He had his connection with his gods back, sure, but...
He felt so disconnected all the same.
When the lynx returns, he welcomes it with a gratefulness and love that almost hurts. They failed -- or Lalli did, as the lynx had no say in the plan despite its participation -- but at least they won't die alone in this unfamiliar land. Not because of Lalli's mistakes. Not yet.
Empty even with his soul back together, he makes himself accept waking up here, different still from where he'd expected, with a shuddered sigh.]
Where: Coven house (?)
When: Backdated to the morning of Day 34.
Open/Closed: Closed.
[When he was young, he'd forced himself to accept the idea of waking up in a different place than he'd gone to sleep. Spirit walking should have made that easier to swallow, but there he knew he'd always be in his haven the next time sleep rolled around. Soul exactly where it was meant to be. His body never really had the same luxury... Even in places he'd been told were home now, he never felt like he wasn't...out of place. But he accepted it.
It was harder now. Every day had been new in the Silent World, when he'd actually been given the opportunity to sleep -- and there had been times his advice on where to go had been completely ignored, it seemed -- but even that was nothing compared to this completely alien universe. He had his connection with his gods back, sure, but...
He felt so disconnected all the same.
When the lynx returns, he welcomes it with a gratefulness and love that almost hurts. They failed -- or Lalli did, as the lynx had no say in the plan despite its participation -- but at least they won't die alone in this unfamiliar land. Not because of Lalli's mistakes. Not yet.
Empty even with his soul back together, he makes himself accept waking up here, different still from where he'd expected, with a shuddered sigh.]
no subject
( It doesn't even register that the message gets sent telepathically, which Emil isn't sure why. Should he be irritated? Probably -- he just can't find it in him all of a sudden. Just a weary tiredness.
He rests himself against the wall, not really committing to any emotion except exhausted suddenly. It's easier than having to think about much. Tomorrow might be easier but that seems so far away suddenly. )
I want to know about things like this. You didn't have to be alone and awake all the time.
I knew her too. ( It's a lot easier to just say whatever you think when there's telepathy involved. Of course it matters more to Lalli, but this shouldn't have been information that he held to himself for more reasons than one. )
no subject
...
[Lalli pushes himself up to his feet, not looking as he reaches back to pat Emil on the head.]
Thank you for being here.
[This time, even if Lalli doesn't...know how he feels about the rest. It had been the Emil of his dreams, in a way. Present, relieved he was okay, speaking in a way he understood... Why did it all have to feel so much worse?]
I have to go. I...will tell you, next time.
[He owed him that, after this much failure, and with bad news always just around the corner.]
no subject
That now seems impossible with death to deal with. )
Of course. ( Telepathy isn't Emil's typical form of communication, so he makes the effort to switch back. It feels more impersonal to just send messages on some neural network. ) I'll see you soon, Lalli.
( He definitely means it. There's no way he can stay content with just letting Lalli stay alone anymore, whether it's wanted or not. But it makes sense that he needs space in this moment, so he'll give it to him. )