[WORLD TWO | THE OTHER HALF]

[spellbindmods]

Who: Others not on the list of the Chosen 12
Where: Around Shehui
When:
Open/Closed: Open to All, though top levels shouldn't be made by Chosen 12 members -- however, direct telepathy links can be sent to Chosen 12 members, and Chosen 12 members can respond to open telepathy prompts. This post is meant more for those who aren't part of the Chosen 12 so they can react with others or plot their next move.

[ While your name isn't on the list that has been circulating, it doesn't mean that you're unaffected by this issue. Did someone you know -- someone you have a fondness for, perhaps? -- wind up on that list? And did they manage to evade the monitors or have they been captured?

You may have the resources to do something about it, or you may want to stay out of harm's way. Either way, changes are on the horizon -- and that horizon is now looming closer than ever before. ]

Comments

[talim]

[ as far as jude is concerned, there's no "right" way to do it. a kiss is a kiss. a kiss from 9s is a kiss from 9s. and that's all he really wants.

jude smiles into the kiss and wraps his arms around 9s a little tighter, dragging one hand through his hair as he presses into it with a tilt of his head. he's kissed 9s enough by now to know how to get the angle just right, and that pleases him immensely.

he hopes returning the kiss is encouraging enough, simple wordless approval. ]

[deem]

[In the past, 9S has kept this contact brief, uncertain of how to handle himself. And he expects to do the same until Jude presses closer. Holds him closer.

He'd wanted something more sustained then, hadn't he?

Far from confident in this area, 9S remains furtive, lingering for a time and then breaking that contact]

I...even when you speak this plainly, I'm not sure what you'd want.

[It's a quiet admission, soft enough it might go unheard if they weren't so close]

[talim]

That's okay.

[ jude rests his chin on 9s' shoulder, close enough to speak into 9s' ear. ]

That's okay.

[ he says it again, to reassure him, sliding one hand down to rub his back and keeping his other arm hooked around him. ]

It's not just about what I want. I'm guessing it's likely that, on an ordinary day when I didn't try any strange substances in the name of medical science, I wouldn't be this upfront. That doesn't make these admissions any less real, but...

Above all else, what I want is what you want. That doesn't mean I don't have my own wants, too, but above that... I'd be happy enough just being by your side.

[ he breathes out a shaky huff of air, surely tickling 9s' ear. ]

You've given me so much more than you realize already. So if this is too much...

[ he trails off. it really is okay. jude means every word of it. ]

[deem]

[9S would never have imagined himself in this situation, before it became a reality. He'd longed to live among humans, to be accepted and valued as any android would. Perhaps more so, for all that he had so yearned for closeness.

But now he has it in a form he hadn't ever anticipated, and even after time has passed, he still finds himself fumbling for what to do. It's a strange thing, and it comes unnaturally to him as it would to any android. They revere mankind.

9S bites his lip. He wishes he could tell Jude why he focuses on what he wants. Because, he thinks, making him happy is what makes this okay. As okay as it can be when his inherent inferiority is so glaring to him.

He knows Jude would disagree, but it would upset him too, wouldn't it?

So would figuring it out himself and not hearing about it from him first. It's happened before]

It's not that. I just... What if I make a mistake? I don't want to do something that you didn't like or want, or make you unhappy. If I did, would this even be okay?

[He looks down at his knees as he speaks, and keeps his gaze there]

[talim]

Nines...

[ he rubs his hand up and down the arch of his back again. ]

Look at me.

[ and then his other hand cups his cheek, tilting his head up to meet jude's eyes. he knows 9s must feel vulnerable, but this is important. he wants him to understand. ]

If you did something I didn't like or didn't want, I would tell you. We would talk it over. And the same goes for you. If I ever do something that makes you uncomfortable... I need you to tell me.

Communication is important. So is honesty. And I trust you.

[ a pause, grazing 9s' cheek with his thumb. ]

Everything will be okay. Will you trust me?

[deem]

[It's a difficult thing, looking Jude in the face without his goggles on. While having a conversation like this. But he tries, because it was asked of him]

I do trust you. But most of the time, I think you're more worried about others than yourself.

[And that's something that worries him too. Jude might accept or tolerate more than he should. Even now, he can be frank because of whatever he took...]

You're only ever kind to me, making me uncomfortable seems pretty impossible.

[talim]

I'm kind because I want to be; not because I have to be.

And perhaps that's true. But aren't you the same? You never put yourself first. On the off chance that I do ever make you uncomfortable, if you deliberately kept it hidden because you thought it'd spare my feelings... Well, that's what would hurt me.

I don't want to do things you don't want to do. It's that simple. Relationships mean compromises.

[deem]

That's...

[Difficult to answer. It seems like a substantial compromise that Jude is pursuing a relationship with a unit like him at all. Should he really have to bend more than he has?

Somehow it doesn't seem right. But they seem to be worried about similar things, except that one stands out to him]

Don't you sort of guess what I don't want to do?

[talim]

What do you mean?

[ he's missing a cue here. ]

[deem]

Usually... You seem to think you're somehow imposing.

[The way he talks often gives 9S this impression]

[talim]

... I guess I didn't realize how often I came across that way.

[ jude frowns, hanging his head. ]

I feel like apologizing might defeat the purpose of the observation you're making...

[deem]

Maybe just a little.

[He hesitates a moment, but he lifts a hand and smooths it over Jude's messy hair]

I can't figure out why though.

[Why Jude might feel that way]

[talim]

[ jude leans into the touch, eyes fluttering closed for a brief moment. ]

Because sometimes I don't know that I deserve you. I've already told you that you're the closest thing to a perfect boyfriend there is. Sometimes I wonder if I'm allowed to have that. Sometimes I wonder if I... forced you into a relationship like this, because of my own feelings.

And I just want to know for sure that I didn't. To know that every time we even just hold hands, you feel that same pleasant warmth I do.

[deem]

[What Jude describes hurts to hear, because it sounds terribly lonely to 9S. He understands what it is to feel undeserving, but it's justified in his case. If anything Jude deserves far better.

How could he be remotely close to perfect when he doesn't even know how to be, or what to do? When he's an android, and Jude isn't]

If anything, I think you deserve more. You're kind and warm, and intelligent...why shouldn't you be cherished, and happy?

[He might be happier with another human though. That thought has occurred to him, but that's for Jude to decide, isn't it]

I don't feel like I was forced to do something, but I wonder if I'm really enough.

[Would another human have made Jude feel like this?]

[talim]

[ when jude speaks again, his tone is pleading, eyes flooded with concern; desperation, almost, to get through to him. ]

I know you don't understand this, but the person who makes me feel the most cherished and happy is you, 9S. It's you. Only you.

[deem]

[The words are difficult to process, and harder to believe once he does. How he can make Jude feel that way, when he feels so ill-equipped to give him the things he should have, is a mystery to him.

And he doesn't know what to say in answer to it.

So he just wraps his arms around him and hugs him close, tucking his face in the juncture between Jude's neck and shoulder]

You're right that I don't understand. But I want those things for you, because you give me them too.

[It's a muffled admission, but it's easier to say when his face isn't so exposed. These things don't come easily to him]

[talim]

[ jude wraps both arms around him and holds him as close as he can, brushing his hair with his fingers, soothing. ]

Then we're okay, aren't we? You haven't done a single thing wrong, so stop worrying so much. We're fine.

And I hope you understand, someday, but in the meantime, you'll just have to take my word for it. Look at it this way: if I really am under the influence of some sort of truth serum, then I can't be telling anything other than the truth. It'd be impossible.

[ he lowers his voice to a murmur, letting soft strands of hair slip through his fingers when he speaks. ]

And 9S? Thank you.

[deem]

I don't know what that stuff was, but I know when you mean what you say.

[Because Jude's not terribly good at being dishonest when he does say something, and 9S has observed it for himself.

He stays right where he is, fingers curled in the back of Jude's shirt]

But why are you thanking me?

[talim]

For being you.

[ he'd hold him even tighter if it were possible. ]

That's all.

[deem]

[He huffs, breath warm against Jude's neck]

That's a weird thing to thank me for.

[But also flattering in its way]

[talim]

[ jude simply laughs in response. maybe it is, but that doesn't mean he doesn't mean it. ]

What do you say I help you tinker around with what you're working on? I can't promise I'll be much assistance, but...

[deem]

I could use the help. There's a lot of us after all.

[And what follows is the softest brush of lips against Jude's neck, so brief one might wonder if it happened at all as he lifts his head]

Thanks, Jude.

[With some reluctance he lets go to collect his tools and the device he'd been working on]

[talim]

[ oh. 9s leaves jude sitting there with slender fingers pressed to the spot on his neck 9s kissed so gently. he's never done that before, has he?

somehow, it feels far more intimate than a kiss on the lips does. he can't place why, exactly, especially when it was such a quick, brief thing. ]

C-Coming... !

[ he finally remembers that he can't just sit there pondering the mysteries and wonders of 9s forever, and scrambles to catch up with him. ]