[See, he's a pile of burning garbage in a depressed heap, but he can still be useful... Being of benefit is a good point of anchor his current self to to calm down. It was hard, even though Emil was doing what he asked -- again, he was always doing what he asked, whether it was talking now, or embracing him, or staying away. That's a little... Hrmn.]
I can't tell you whatever I want. It's hard. [Gotta get that straight first, while he lets his eyes unfocus to the dark of his comforter hell.] You didn't do anything wrong this time. I know that.
...I meant it? I think? Stuff I said. I just --
[Words are failing him like they always do, but they have this new connection, now... Tentatively, he tries to convey the feeling he gets, that jolt of overwhelming discomfort he wanted so badly to avoid, that made his previous desire so baffling. It isn't a preference. It's a deep wrongness flooding him from the second someone brushes against him or reaches towards him, something that made him distance himself even from those he was closest to because it pushed on a sensitive nerve he couldn't brush away. Couldn't explain.
Forcing the feeling now, he can feel his bones wanting to leap out of his body in protest, and he struggles to tighten the blanket around him further. This was helping...]
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I can't tell you whatever I want. It's hard. [Gotta get that straight first, while he lets his eyes unfocus to the dark of his comforter hell.] You didn't do anything wrong this time. I know that.
...I meant it? I think? Stuff I said. I just --
[Words are failing him like they always do, but they have this new connection, now... Tentatively, he tries to convey the feeling he gets, that jolt of overwhelming discomfort he wanted so badly to avoid, that made his previous desire so baffling. It isn't a preference. It's a deep wrongness flooding him from the second someone brushes against him or reaches towards him, something that made him distance himself even from those he was closest to because it pushed on a sensitive nerve he couldn't brush away. Couldn't explain.
Forcing the feeling now, he can feel his bones wanting to leap out of his body in protest, and he struggles to tighten the blanket around him further. This was helping...]
...Things are a lot.
[everything happens so much]